Tearing Apart the Soul: Part 3
A Public Exposure of the Liberal, Feminist Teachings of Dr. Steven Tracy through “Mending the Soul” and Phoenix Seminary
and His Secretive, Coercive Attack Upon My Family
by Dr. Maynard C. Mostrom, Jr.
B.A., M.Div., S.T.M., D.Min., Ph.D. Studies
Part 3: The Biblical Necessity of Publically Exposing
My Wife’s Abusive and Sinful Life
(Wife’s name deleted by Judge’s Order)
“She states that it is her job (contrary to 1 Peter 3) to make sure that I treat her the way she wants and to hold me accountable if I don’t. This is the typical liberal rhetoric of feminism, attempting to justify its takeover of a husband’s life and his family. If she wants true accountability, she should follow the Bible, submit to biblical authorities (Christian leaders who follow the Bible), and follow the biblical process of open communication, investigation, and willingness to submit to biblical criticism of her actions. My wife has repeatedly refused to follow all of these biblical actions; instead she has replaced the Bible with her own selfish authority which is subject only to herself and to those who share or tolerate her views.”
(My comments in my article “The Feminist Takeover of a Man’s Family,” p 4)
“The Bible has nothing to do with it.”
(My wife, February 2009, referring to her views on her past childhood abuse
from her father and her accusations of abuse against me)
“An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
but she who causes shame is like rottenness to his bones.”
In 1977, Joan Crawford, one of the most popular actresses of the mid-twentieth century passed away from cancer. A year later, her adopted daughter, Christina Crawford shocked the world with the publication of her book, “Mommie Dearest.” In this book, which was later made into a movie, Joan Crawford’s lifetime of abusive behavior toward her children and others was revealed in extensive detail to the public. This public exposure demonstrated how abusive people obsessively control and destroy the lives of those around them and go to great lengths to isolate, manipulate, and lie about the people who might expose them.
Some people are upset that I publically exposed my wife’s sins, especially as they relate to her past childhood abuse from her father. Surface impressions and stereotyping may appear to communicate that I am abusive and vengeful while my wife is a victim. I challenge people to look beyond the stereotypes and to look at the facts.
My wife has obsessively sought to control virtually every facet of my life for over 25 years and continues to do so through her manipulation and legal tactics even to this day. This obsessive desire for control and the selfish, destructive direction that she has taken over the years is substantially against the clear teachings of the Bible. She has sought to make me hostage to her sinful, worldly, and domineering life, has seriously hurt my career in ministry and our family, and has divorced me without any intention of following the biblical teachings on this matter.
According to 1 Corinthians 7:15, I must allow my wife to leave if she chooses, yet she will not allow me to leave her control and have my own life, my own finances, my own career in ministry, and my own children. I have tried over and over to get away from her sinful controls on my life but her threats over the years to leave, take our children, and damage my life in ministry kept me largely under her control for over 2 decades.
Since my wife refuses to follow a course of biblical reconciliation and has divorced me, I am trying to start over with my life, career, and my children, yet by her legal tactics and the apathy of the Christian Church to publically intervene, my life is still largely under her control. I am not the abuser in this relationship; my wife is the abuser, both in the past and since her separation and divorce. I am not the aggressor, but the victim of an abusive wife. I have patiently exhausted all other means of escape from her; my website is my public cry for help for other people to intervene and biblically assist with my release from my wife’s long-term abuse! If you do not believe me, I again ask each of you to honestly investigate the facts and the truth that my wife has obsessively kept hidden all these years.
My Wife: A Childhood Abuse Victim
Becomes An Abusive Adult
“I have been asked if my wife is truly a Christian. My answer has been, ‘I honestly don’t know.’ If it weren’t for her childhood abuse, I would answer the question with a ‘No.’ What I do know is this: my wife is clearly not acting like a Christian and should be identified as such and rebuked for her long-term, rebellion against God and me, her husband. My wife is not an adult victim, but an adult abuser, liar, and manipulator. Such a person (whether male or female) is labeled by the Bible as being “wicked.”
(Statement I have made to several people during the past few years during my wife’s separation which she imposed on me without warning or biblical warrant)
As a child and young girl, my wife grew up in an unsaved home filled with sexual and physical abusive behavior. She was sexually abused by her father for years and neglected by her mother. There is also a long history of mental illness in the family. This sinful and abusive environment was habitually and severely traumatic and formative to her “coping mechanisms” for surviving and dealing with these experiences.
Unfortunately, these coping mechanisms became deeply rooted in her life and created terribly sinful habits of lying, deceit, manipulation, and obsessive controlling. An external life of conformity was displayed while internally the problems of childhood were not dealt with but grew worse as she buried her past and refused to biblically deal with her core problems and sins. As an adult and as my wife, she brought these obsessive and sinful behaviors into our marriage and imposed them upon our relationship, our family, and my career. The results of this process have been disastrous.
Both consciously and subconsciously, my wife has continuously fought me for control of our marriage and family. She has wanted control at almost any cost, including the tearing down of our life together and my career in ministry. The public life of ministry and the true following of the Bible in a conservative manner have been antithetical to the sinful habits that my wife relied upon and developed into adulthood and marriage. I have gone to great lengths over the years to try and help my wife, but she has constantly resisted and even taken my labor of love and read into it motives of hatred and actions of “abuse.”
Why Reveal My Wife’s Childhood Abuse
“The globe of modern feminism turns upon the axis of supreme self-centeredness: every woman has the right to be ‘fulfilled’ or ‘happy.’
Any obstacle thwarting that selfish drive is expendable.”
(Beneth Peters Jones, providing a biblical critique of the destructive consequences of feminism in her book, In the Best Possible Light, p 11)
“Habitual rebellion against a husband is a terrible sin before God yet she has excuse after excuse why she can do as she pleases, avoid criticism of such, and then blame the tensions and problems on me for not doing what she wants.”
(My comments on my wife’s journal, p 5, in my article, The Feminist Takeover
of a Man’s Family)
One of the complaints that I have heard about my website is that I revealed my wife’s childhood abuse from her father. To many, this should not be made public because it was private, embarrassing, and she was not at fault. This point as such is correct; I did not reveal her background to get revenge or because I disagree with the above statement. However, I did reveal my wife’s background for this reason: since her childhood, during and after our marriage, my wife has been and continues to be a serious, habitual, and unrepentant adult sinner, abuser, and manipulator. She has repeatedly, intentionally, and deceitfully used her privacy and childhood to disguise and hide a sinful and destructive lifestyle of rebellion against God, the Bible, and against me, her husband.
Yes, it is true that a person’s background should be considered when “judging” them as adults. Yes, extra patience and long suffering should be given to those who have been “pushed” into a life of using addictive “coping” tools to deal with their problems. And yes, many issues in life need to be handled with extra care and privacy to help those who “were” victims to move forward as adults. Yet, with all this said, we must understand and accept the biblical teachings about sin and hold all people to the same standards.
Throughout my years of ministry and marriage, I have learned a very hard lesson: people such as my wife will continue to live as destructive sinners and harmful abusers until they are held accountable for their behavior. If this cannot be done on a private level (because they are evasive and unrepentant), the Bible clearly teaches that such sinners are to be taken before the Church, exposed and publically held accountable (considered publically as “heathen (non-Christians) and publicans (tax collectors who stole from others) –Matthew 18:15-17
Now in hindsight, I have learned that the biggest mistake of my life was to continually allow my wife to bully and threaten me (leaving me, taking children, damaging my career in ministry) into compliance to her obsessively controlling ways instead of presenting her before Christian leaders and others and have them hold her accountable for her behavior.
“My wife states that she does not hold to the tenants of liberal feminism. Yes she does. She has replaced the authority of the Bible with secular “experts,” she redefines rebellion against authority as necessary and spiritual, she refuses to submit to biblical authority, she refuses to acknowledge her sinfulness, she plays the continued role of a “victim”, she complains about my leadership of her life (which as biblically described is appropriate and necessary) yet she has no problem controlling my life
(against the explicit teachings of the Bible)”
(My comments in my article “The Feminist Takeover of a Man’s Family,” p 7)
This process of accountability and discipline should be led (and not ignored or impeded as the Tracys’, Phoenix Seminary, and New Valley Church have done) by godly Christian leaders through the local church and the Christian community. Because my wife and these parties have repeatedly refused to follow the clear biblical path for this matter, the biblical necessity is to take steps to present this issue to the broader Christian community and if ignored, to the general public. In the final analysis, it is my wife and these parties that have brought this matter public by their unbiblical actions and continued manipulation of my life, my children, my finances, and my career in Christian ministry.
Lies and Rebellion From the
Beginning of Our Relationship
“I hate and abhor lying, but I love Your law.”
“Contrary to my wife’s numerous statements about my selfishness, my desire for a submissive wife was to have a companion that would honor God with me together to make a true difference in the lives of others. My wife pretended to be that person until we got married. Then it became clear that she had her own agenda and would do whatever it took to eventually get it, even if it destroyed our marriage
and our ability to minister to others.”
(My comments in my article “The Feminist Takeover of a Man’s Family,” p 5)
My wife and I met in our youth group at Tri-City Baptist Church, then in Tempe, Arizona. I did not take special notice of her until January 1983, when I took a week of my winter vacation from bible college to help my youth pastor, Dave Bunt, with a ministry trip to a church and school in Tucson. My wife and her friend went along and the 4 of us ministered that week. As a man going into Christian ministry, I took notice of a woman who appeared to share my interest in ministry.
From January 1983 to May 1986, when we were married, my wife and I developed a relationship with most of our time at bible college together from September 1984 to May 1986 or at our church during summers and winters. My wife showed a continued interest in me and in Christian ministry as I discussed my plans for life and career. I even asked my youth pastor, Dave Bunt, if she would make a good minister’s wife and he said “Yes.”
“Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
(This was once a significant statement in the the traditional marriage ceremony; the church and community were responsible to speak up in public if they knew of serious sin that was hidden from the marriage party.)
After we were married in May 1986, we moved to Pennsylvania where I began seminary training. I worked full time and went to school full time, yet I worked hard to build my marriage and relationship with my new wife. What I discovered in our new marriage relationship was a nightmare that has continued to this day. With our time together as a married couple and the need to weave our 2 lives into 1 plan, I found my wife’s behavior increasingly emotional, erratic, and rebellious. It seemed that my wife was a different person and very hostile to my leadership as a Christian husband. She would lie and deceive me, and try to take control of every aspect of our marriage and life. If she didn’t get her way, she was angry and abusive, including physical abuse and withholding marital intimacy as a tool for control. I was shocked at my wife’s behavior and sought answers.
Having taken counseling classes in bible college and seminary and studied numerous books on the subject, I pieced together what I thought was the source of my wife’s behavior and got confirmation from 2 of my professors in April 1987. My wife had been abused as a child by her father. I brought this matter before my wife and she finally admitted the truth and gave some details, including the fact that our youth pastor, Dave Bunt, knew extensively about her abuse. I also found out that both my wife and youth pastor intentionally hid this information from me until after we were married (both before my marriage and after my wife’s separation, Dave Bunt has refused to talk to me, help me, or rebuke my wife for her sinful behavior: He married us without ever telling me the truth. At present, he attends Elliot Road Baptist Church in Gilbert, Arizona).
I had found out that I was tricked into thinking that I had married a godly Christian woman; instead I had married a woman that pretended to care about biblical things while only using them to get what she wanted. I was intentionally lied to by my wife and my youth pastor!; now I was a husband in a “mixed marriage” training to be a Christian minister with a wife who not only hated ministry, but also hated Christianity itself.
A Marriage of Two Worldviews:
Biblical Christianity and the Selfish Wife
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not to your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil.”
“My wife admits to constant nagging and complaining, and her deep depression when she doesn’t get what she wants … She also admits that she will not follow the “mold” that I want her to be in; she said “I don’t believe its God’s mold for me’ Here early in our marriage is my wife’s admission that she is doing her own thing, claiming that this is what God wants without showing why from the Bible she can have her own course of action against mine as a Christian husband and minister
following the God of the Bible. ”
(My comments on my wife’s journal entry 5/23/90-married 4 years)
“I remember clearly asking a pastor at Reformed Baptist in Pa for help with Jr…
The pastor’s advice was that I should submit better.
I’ll never forget the feeling of despair at that moment.”
(My wife’s journal dated 11-09-08 about events back in 1991. My wife had despair when our pastor told her to follow the Bible. This is what the Bible explicitly says is the fundamental duty of a wife toward her husband; My wife did not want to fulfill her duty, but continue to be rebellious and create the problems associated with a wife’s attempts to have control over her husband—The pastor told her the Bible answer-she then and
since has continued to reject it!)
Throughout our time before our marriage and since, my wife has worked to present a picture of herself as a Christian woman who loves God and her husband. In reality, as I have daily observed her life from May 1986 (our wedding) to June 2009 (her separation) and her actions since then, I can tell you in truth as a trained Christian minister and husband of over 25 years, that my wife (now ex-wife) has habitually showed serious neglect, contempt, and hatred toward God, myself, and the Christian Church.
During our marriage, my wife has intentionally and habitually displayed the characteristics of a rebellious, sinful, and abusive person. Several areas of our marriage show this sharp distinction between my life as a dedicated, conservative Christian and my wife’s life as a selfish, worldly, postmodern individual.
Spiritual Rebellion and Hatred for Truth
Having become a Christian while a child and having surrendered my life to Christian ministry as a teenager, I joyfully pursued the development of my Christian life through the usual Christian practices of bible study, prayer, and participation in church life. In addition, I energetically received training for Christian ministry in order to help others by teaching the Bible and personally demonstrating the Christian life to them .
Early in our marriage, I found that my wife did not have these similar Christian desires and refused to participate in them or if she did, I could tell that she really didn’t want to. She demonstrated that she was a minister’s wife that did not want to read the Bible, discuss spiritual topics, read good books about the Bible, didn’t want to go to church, nor participate at church beyond what she wanted to do.
In addition, my wife consistently tried to keep me from developing our marriage into a Christian home and family. She refused to allow me to lead in family devotions, downplayed or opposed my biblical instruction of our children, and sought to make our family more worldly in its living (she has accelerated this process with our children since her separation and divorce).
Through the years as I discovered my wife’s past and sought to gently help her develop as a Christian woman, wife, and mother, my wife was in constant opposition against the biblical process of growth in grace. She refused to have regular conversations with me, would not sit down at a table and talk with me, and would not accept the help of other Christian leaders who were a part of our lives. Refusing to admit her own sins and her rebellion against God, His Word, and me, her husband, my wife moved further and further into a selfish isolation in which she found “happiness” not in Christianity, but in selfish living and eventually in her psychological deliverance. Here was a wife who had the opportunity of having a Christian husband and develop a godly Christian family, yet she despised the Christian worldview, rejected my leadership, and selfishly used our marriage and home primarily to get what she wanted in life, regardless of the cost.
Physical and Emotional Isolation
“No sexual contact with me”
(One of my wife’s imposed requirements upon me during her separation;
she also imposed this abstinence during most of our marriage)
“Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband…Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time.”
(1 Corinthians 7:3-5; Mrs. Tracy’s and my wife’s plan of long term separation and marital abstinence is directly contrary to the clear teaching of the Bible: their path of physical and emotional isolation is a control mechanism used to force husbands into compliance. It uses the physical relationship as a tool of harmful control, not as intended by God, as a means of developing and maintaining intimacy and closeness)
Prior to our marriage in 1986, my wife displayed a bubbly, happy, and enthusiastic energy for our relationship and our plans for a Christian home and future in Christian ministry. However, this drastically changed with our marriage and physical consummation of our relationship. Unknown to me at the time, my wife had been abused by her father. Now married, she was seriously conflicted by having a sexual relationship with a man again in her life.
Because of her past abuse and her continued refusal to biblically deal with her past, the physical and emotional path to developing a biblical marriage would ironically be counterproductive and bring about various reactions and a “transference” of thoughts and feelings from her past with her father and impose these onto me as her husband. When I found out about her abuse, I tried to patiently work with my wife and help her biblically work through the difficult process of healing and recovery, yet she refused over and over to take the biblical steps needed to deal with the past and develop intimacy in our marriage.
As a result of her refusal to deal with her past, my wife was physically and emotionally distant throughout our marriage. This included: refusal to talk about the problem, refusal to plan for time together, refusal to touch or accept touching of any kind for weeks, months, and now, since the separation and divorce, for years.
Financial Ruin Through Materialism
For all her posturing about economic abuse, my wife is truly guilty of this particular problem. She has had a continuous problem with materialism throughout our marriage. She has always been unhappy with what we have had and talked often about all the nice things that we could have if I weren’t pursuing a career in Christian ministry. Her addictions to things and her destructive course with our finances is evident: (1) her unwillingness to discuss and disclose financial information to me, (2) her purchases of numerous and expensive items without my knowledge and permission, (3) her giving of money to her brother, for drugs and gambling, against my wishes, (4) her constant obsession with having a new house, a new car, taking expensive vacations, having nice clothes, and eating at nice restaurants. (5) her unwillingness to adjust our budget and spending according to our income.
From the very beginning of our relationship, my wife was told that my life was dedicated to full-time Christian ministry. For most men pursuing this line of work, this involves a lower than average pay scale that has a ceiling around 40k. During the last 5 years of our marriage, my wife and I combined made over 100k, yet our finances were in ruins, due not to my failure to make money, but to her materialism, excessive spending, and obsessive control. She completely isolated me from our finances, told me to make more money, and pushed me away from Christian ministry toward a different career. In my situation, and in the lives of many other Christian ministers, the American dream has become the Christian minister’s nightmare.
Excluding me from control of our finances, including the deceitful hiding of her own spending, my wife mismanaged our finances and then abandoned me in June 19, 2009 with our house, which went into foreclosure. She took my paychecks, leaving me with no warning and virtually no money in the bank. (Note: if we had the money that she has spent on her separation and legal expenses plus what I have had to spend on legal fees and other costs, we could have paid off most, if not all of our debts.)
“And having food and clothing, with these things we shall be content.
But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare,
and into many foolish and harmful lusts.”
(1 Timothy 6:8-9)
Opposing My Career in Christian Ministry
Believing that God had called me into Christian ministry, and that the greatest need of our world was for godly, trained, Christian leaders, I have pursued and practiced a career in Christian ministry. Over the past 30 years and 5 educational degrees, I have been reassured of my path in life by my desire for ministry, my conscience, the encouragement of other Christians, and the biblical results that I have seen in ministry. However, with all of this hard work and results, my wife has been my greatest hindrance and discouragement to serving God and others in my life.
From the beginning our our relationship, I had clearly spelled out my life goals and plans for Christian service, to which my wife originally agreed to and initially followed into our marriage in 1986. Yet, with all of this great need, hard work, and confirmation of service, my wife has, throughout our marriage, been constantly opposed to my biblical leadership as husband and to my career in ministry. This includes: her refusal to talk about and participate in ministry, her refusal to be willing to move to another place for ministry, her subordination of ministry to money and materialism, her resentment of the time, money, and energy needed to be seriously working in ministry, and her intentional destruction of my career, especially since my departure from the pastorate at Tri-City Baptist Church, then in Tempe, Arizona, in 2001.
Throughout our marriage, I have worked hard not to neglect my wife or family while serving in Christian ministry. Having seen many ministers neglect their homes, I was determined to be careful to balance the demands of career with home life, yet, in spite of all my efforts and accommodations to my wife, she did not want to have a biblical Christian home or be dedicated to Christian ministry.
Five Psychological Myths
That Tore Our Marriage and Family Apart
“A continuum of raised consciousness existed. Individuals began the process by questioning the role of male and female in society. As they ascended to a higher level, they not only questioned their own role but began to question and discard all values and beliefs subscribed to in the past. In essence, the fully-raised consciousness demanded giving up the Judeo-Christian paradigm
in exchange for a feminist worldview.”
(Mary Kassian, The Feminist Mistake, p 77; describing the brainwashing process by which manipulated emotions override biblical facts and reason to “convert” women
to a selfish, feminist way of life)
“My wife admits that I have been good with the kids and have made lots of
‘progress’ yet she also states that she is concerned about
‘my fundamental belief system’ changing this.”
(My wife’s journal entry, dated October 27, 2008: I have been a conservative, Protestant Christian since my teen years. Throughout my years of bible college and seminary training, my fundamental belief system has not changed. I have been committed to following the authority of the Bible in all areas of life; here my wife admits to holding a “fundamental belief system” that is against mine and against biblical Christianity.)
Throughout our marriage, our 2 different worldviews would not allow the other to control and lead our marriage and family. My wife would not accept my Christian worldview because she did not fundamentally believe it nor want to submit to it. I could not allow my wife to control our marriage because I am a Christian who believes, because the Bible teaches it, that Christianity is exclusively right against all other views; also, as taught by the Bible, I believed that the husband was to be the head of the wife and the home. To allow my wife to control our home (which is different than valuing her input) would be to disobey the Bible, and thus to disobey God.
“A bishop then must be …one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?”)
(1 Timothy 3:2a, 4-5)
This refusal on my part to compromise to my wife’s anti-Christian control and lifestyle frustrated her to the place where she wanted to leave me, yet she lacked 3 things to take control of our marriage: first, she needed some personal and philosophical justification to break away; second, she needed the financial means to support this break away, and third, she needed a “Christian” support system to keep me and other biblical Christians from stopping or changing what she would do in the separation. Having achieved the financial means by the middle of last decade, my wife found the other 2 items with Mending the Soul.
Mrs. Tracy, isolating my wife from me and from biblical teaching, provided a set of false beliefs, under the pretense of psychological “expertise” that would “correct” the so called traditional view of gender relationships and roles. This “conversion” would clear the way for my wife’s rebellion to flourish into a true takeover of our family and the opportunity for vengeance against me for subjecting her to a Christian lifestyle for over 20 years. Listed below is a simplified path of the 5 steps that Mrs. Tracy gave to my wife to enable her mental transition, physical abandonment, and sinful vendetta.
Myth #1: The Bible Alone is Not the Answer—You Must Have Psychology
“More and more of today’s Christians want their ears tickled by the godless myths of psychology wrapped in familiar, non-threatening Christian packaging, while their Bibles gather dust on the shelves.”
(Lisa and Ryan Bazler, Psychology Debunked, 137)
“You should see a secular psychologist.”
(My wife, providing her solution to my “abuse” problem, October, 2009)
For you, only real accountability, consequences, and long-term (psychological) counseling will break through your distorted thinking.”
(My wife’s separation letter, dated June 19, 2008, p 6; I have 30 years of biblical training and ministry experience yet my thinking is “distorted” while her solution to my supposed serious problem is years of humanistic, psychological counseling)
Early in 2008, my wife participated in a woman’s counseling group and then began her private counseling sessions with Mrs. Celestia Tracy, counselor for Mending the Soul ministries and adjunct teacher for Phoenix Seminary. This counseling process began without my knowledge or approval as my wife secretly pursued the type of psychological counseling that she knew I could not agree with. Unable to get my wife to agree to receive biblical counseling (such as “nouthetic” counseling), I asked if she would allow me to join her and talk to her counselor. My wife refused and continued her counseling in isolation from me and from other Christian leaders that held my beliefs about the dangers of psychology.
Having become more acquainted with Mending the Soul through their book, by Dr. Steven Tracy, their website, and seeing the unbiblical and harmful results in my wife, I expressed serious concern for my wife because I believed that the counseling she was receiving was fundamentally not Christian, but humanistic and dangerous. Being contrary to biblical Christianity, I believed that this process would systematically teach my wife to remove the elements of biblical Christianity she had from our marriage and life and replace them with a liberal version of Christianity that was compatible with the humanistic beliefs that she held.
As part of this process, Mrs. Tracy taught my wife how to justify her rebellion against God, His Word, and me, her husband, under the guise of “abuse.” Having denied a biblical description of this topic, which must fit within the biblical category of “sin,” Mrs. Tracy used a distorted and inflated definition of abuse given by psychology that could give my wife an overriding objection to anything the Bible or I might say or do. It would also justify my wife’s unethical behavior and make any biblical attempts of response on my part to be “abusive” by nature because they would be actions that Mrs. Tracy and my wife would not accept.
During my wife’s time of counsel from Mrs. Tracy, one of the most obvious signs that Mrs. Tracy was hurting my wife was this: the more counseling my wife received, the less she wanted to consider the Bible and follow its teachings. This is one of the primary signs that a person is receiving false teaching: it moves them away from the Bible. My wife even stated to a psychologist that she believed that I held to “an excessive emphasis on the Bible.” This simply means that I believe that the Bible has supreme and final authority (as it claims and demonstrates) while my wife does not; she has a higher authority in her mind, namely psychology.
“As His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue.”
(2 Peter 1:3: God tells His children that His power to handle all spiritual problems comes through His Word and His Son; He calls those who
teach otherwise “false teachers”-2 Peter 2)
Myth #2: You are Not Responsible—Your Husband is
Responsible for Your Misery
“Under no circumstances is abuse ever justified. Neither is it ever the fault of the victim…Do say to the “abuse victim”–’It wasn’t your fault, no matter what you did…Don’t go to the abusive person to confirm the victim’s story”
(CCADA-Christian Coalition Against Domestic Abuse document, The Church’s Domestic Response to Domestic Family Abuse—This document is posted on the Mending the Soul website. It is filled with humanism and liberalism, including its teaching to deny any responsibility for a person’s behavior simply became they claim to be abused; especially when Christian leaders refuse to properly define abuse and refuse to interview the other party! This is not a Christian document, but a worldly, humanist document
(more on this in another article)
“Freudian psychoanalysis turns out to be an archeological back into the past in which a search is made for others on whom to pin the blame for the patient’s behavior. The fundamental idea is to find out how others have wronged him. In seeking to excuse and shift blame…irresponsibility is the upshot.”
(Jay Adams, Competent to Counsel, p 6)
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
(Romans 3:23: “All” includes not only Jews and Gentiles (non-Jews),
but female as well as male)
In biblical counseling, one of the most important steps in true healing is to morally assess the beliefs and actions of all people involved in a situation. This is most importantly applied to the one who is being counseled (even if they may not be the primary one at fault). With a biblical moral assessment, sin can be identified and the counselor can then strongly encourage repentance and forgiveness. True biblical healing cannot occur until this process takes place.
In direct contrast, Mrs Tracy has refused to biblically assess moral guilt, has refused to gather all information that would help to make this determination, has told my wife that she is a continued victim from childhood (one a victim, always a victim), and has slanderously attacked my character without ever talking to me or interviewing me. In addition, my wife has continued her refusal to admit to and repent of her clear violations of biblical teaching. My wife refuses to take responsibility for her own actions; instead, she blames me and other Christians for most of her problems.
“That is not to say that I do not have SIGNIFICANT areas for improvement.”
(My wife’s separation letter, dated June 19, 2009, p 6; my wife makes a confession to having significant areas for improvement, yet she refuses to acknowledge what these specific areas are and ask for forgiveness for specific sins)
“And concerning Jezebel the Lord also spoke, saying, The dogs shall eat Jezebel by the wall of Jezreel…But there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do wickedness in the sight of the Lord, because Jezebel his wife stirred him up. And he behaved very abominably in following idols…”
(1 Kings 21:23, 25; Ahab was a wicked and abusive man; yet God still held his wife Jezebel responsible for her behavior, including her role in encouraging her husband to sin)
Myth #3: You Have a Right to be Happy—Your Husband
Must Support Your Happiness
Psychology and popular sentiment teach that people have a right to be happy. The problem with this belief is that it is feeling oriented and not based upon any moral authority for right or wrong. Happiness, in general is a pleasant feeling, but it is often the byproduct of foolish, harmful, and sinful behavior. The Bible teaches that the Christian life should be filled with joy, but not happiness. The latter is a profound satisfaction that what one is doing is morally right and pleasing to God. It is also more often than not accompanied with feelings of sorrow, not happiness, This is a crucial distinction that psychology fails to make.
If people have a right to be happy, they have a right to be sinful. In fact, much unhappiness is due to one’s conscience bringing conviction of sin and to the negative results of sinful behavior. Many people then try to escape and do whatever makes them feel happy again.
My wife is unhappy because she has had the benefits of a Christian husband and a Christian atmosphere at home and at church for years, yet she hated much of what I and conservative churches stand for.
“The vast majority of my wife’s unhappiness in life is due to her selfish controlling habits that destroy stability, relationships, and the peace that true godly living brings. Having rejected this course repeatedly throughout her life, she has only 1 other option: fully pursue her selfish course of action, no matter who it hurts, or where it takes her.”
(My comments in my article “The Feminist Takeover of a Man’s Family,” p 7)
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word…that He might present her…holy.”
(Ephesians 5:25-27; my biblical responsibility as a husband is not to make
my wife happy, but holy; if this process makes my wife unhappy, she is biblically responsible to repent and changed her thoughts and feelings to follow the Bible)
Myth #4: Take Control of Your Family–Your Husband’s Control is “Abusive”
The Bible clearly teaches that the husband is the head of his wife and his home. If the wife believes that her husband is not using his authority properly, the biblical process involves the submissive display of godly living by the wife, and if needed, going to church leaders and having them question and counsel, and if necessary, discipline the husband. If there is true abuse involved, then civil authorities can and should be contacted. The Bible clearly teaches that spiritual and civil authorities intervene to the extent that is necessary; it does not give provision for the wife to take control of her husband and the family on her own accord.
Contrary to the Bible, Mrs. Tracy and feminism teach a wife that they have a right to take control of their husbands and their family. This can and often is done secretly, in order to maximize control though surprise. The Bible calls this rebellion; it is a serious sin and causes untold harm to the marriage relationship and the family. It is one thing to separate from a husband for safety sake; it is quite another matter to intentionally take control of authority that biblically belongs to the husband and father.
“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives..Do not let your adornment be merely outward..rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is very precious in the sight of God.”
(1 Peter 3:1, 3-4)
Myth #5: If Your Husband Doesn’t Accept Your Control, Force it on Him
“I am insisting on certain requirements in order for us to reconcile: Begin counseling…by contacting Dr. Rae at PCA…Regularly attend a church that…supports the Mending the Soul program…Reconciliation will be contingent on the
unconditional approval of Dr. Rae and Celestia.”
(My wife’s separation letter dated June 19, 2008, p 12-13; these are some of my wife’s requirements for reconciliation; I am to unquestionably follow her requirements to comply with a humanistic counseling program while I am to have no say whatsoever in her compliance to biblical counseling and following the teachings of the Bible. I too am insisting on requirements for reconciliation; mine are listed in the Bible; hers by secular counselors!)
While my wife has been obsessive about control during our marriage, this controlling went to another level during her counseling with Mrs. Tracy. She received support and systematic instruction on how to impose her control on me and our family. Completely bypassing the biblical process for expressing concerns to both Christian leaders and civic leaders, she was instructed to secretly plan and carry out a process to not only overthrow my authority, but impose her control on my life, my finances, my children, and my career. (see articles 1 and 2 for details)
The irony of this situation is this: I am being accused of abuse for “controlling” my wife and our family, yet my wife can impose a much more controlling power, force my compliance as much as possible through the legal system, and not be considered abusive herself! This is truly a double standard. If I were to impose such an amount of control, as my wife has, I would be considered abusive; if my wife does it, she is praised by her feminist counselor.
“I think she has done a very good job.”
(Mrs. Celestia Tracy, voice mail left on my phone, describing her view of my wife’s actions toward me, November, 2009)
“Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;
Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness.”
Since 2008, Mrs. Celestia Tracy has given my wife substantial amounts of the false teachings from humanistic psychology. She has taught her to abandon the Bible for psychology, abandon her husband for her own selfishness, abandon biblical truth for happiness, abandon biblical submission for feminist control, and abandon biblical womanhood for worldly power. In effect, she has taught her to abandon biblical Christianity and to believe that these actions are both spiritual and beneficial.
“Like Adam, many husbands fail to lead or sacrificially love. And like Eve, many wives rationalize about submission, inwardly mouthing Satan’s condescending question, ‘Surely God didn’t really say that!”
(Barbara Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Woman)
My Wife is Mentally Unstable and Deteriorating
Because of Mending the Soul
“But to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled. They profess to know God, but in works they deny Him, being abominable, disobedient, and disqualified…But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine…the older women likewise…that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands,
that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
(Titus 1:15-16; 2:1, 3-5)
“My wife again alludes to Lundy Bancroft’s godless book, “Why Does He Do That?” as the source of her comfort. She takes Bancroft’s advice to journal only the bad things about the husbands and intentionally not the good things.”
(My comment about my wife’s journal entry December 14, 2008, in which she followed the advise of this book to intentionally leave out good things about me in her journal. This is one of the techniques that the feminist agenda uses to distort reality and
prepare women to reject their husbands.)
“Paul understands that man’s greatest slavery is to self, and that the chains of sin are composed of the links of selfishness. The cause of most “mental problems”–marital and family dysfunctions, or personal anxiety—are connected to an
unhealthy preoccupation with one’s self.”
(Ed Bulkley, Why Christians Can’t Trust Psychology, 248-49)
Prior to her separation, in response to numerous irrational and bizarre actions on the part of my wife, I mentioned to her that she might have some form of mental illness or mental instability. She became very upset and even mentioned this evaluation as one of my forms of abusiveness toward her. Yet I believe that there is significant evidence that she displays, particularly in the last few years, a serious absence of rational thought, imposed mental and social isolation, delusional beliefs, and a failure to have an objective understanding of her own actions and those of others, especially if they disagree with her.
History of Mental Illness and Abuse in Her Family
My wife’s abuse as a child came within a family context of several generations of mental illness and abusiveness within her extended family and her immediate family of father, mother, and brother. Both her father and mother were physically and sexually abused and her brother was physically abused. Both her father and brother have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and several relatives are known to have mental illnesses. Whether genetic and/or induced by trauma, not one of her immediate family members has ever had a stable life with stable relationships. Her brother has attempted suicide at least 3 times that I know of.
Failure to Disclose Information about Physical and Mental Health
Throughout our marriage, my wife has intentionally hid from me any information about her physical well being. She kept me from knowing about visits to doctors, their diagnoses, and any medications that she may have taken or needed to take. I do know that my wife takes an excessive amount of vitamins and pills at a great cost.
Episodes of Bizarre Behavior
Shortly after we were married in 1986, I began to see 2 things about my wife that I not seen before we were married. First, she had difficulty dealing with personal relationships. She was distant and unwilling to share personal details about her life with me and with others. In addition, she was overly suspicious of people, unwilling to trust them, and quick to see reasons to avoid them. Second, my wife would periodically display extremely irrational, fearful, and angry actions that had little or no true connection to her present circumstances. These actions were often sudden and without warning.
My wife accuses me in her separation letter of making her “shake;” actually, she has always done this when she is in a situation that she can’t control or when she can’t avoid her guilt. Her bizarre behavior and episodes of rage, physical hitting, and verbal attacks have taken place when something done by me or someone else bears a surface similarity to a traumatic situation in her past. This normal behavior by others unintentionally “triggers” a painful memory from my wife’s past, during which times she would become very irrational and unwilling to carry on a normal conversation. Instead, she would verbally and sometimes physically assault me with wild looking eyes and a shaking body. After these episodes, my wife would often deny the events and her memory of them. Over time, I learned most of these triggers and avoided them as much as possible.
Display of a “Cultic” Mentality
There is a cultic mentality that is clearly displayed by the actions that my wife has been taking since she began her counseling with Mrs. Tracy. This is displayed by (1) an obsessive reliance upon Mrs. Tracy as her human “savior,“(2) an unwillingness to be open about her problems and listen to other authorities in her life (husband, pastor, family, friends, etc.), (3) an unwillingness to let anyone evaluate or criticize her actions and those of Mrs. Tracy, (4) making claims to follow the Bible but unwilling to have a Bible used in discussions with me and others. (5) Even after her separation letter, my wife has been unwilling to meet with me or talk about our relationship and the contents of the letter. She says that I have to meet all the requirements of the letter before she will talk. This is childish and ungodly behavior and displays an unwillingness to biblically and seriously pursue a solution. She wants control and she is manipulating me, using our girls as leverage, in order to get me to comply with her requirements (this is not new; she has done this throughout our marriage, only more aggressively since her counseling with Mrs. Tracy).
Delusional Fears, Isolation, and Obsessive Control
“In postmodern client-centered therapies,
reality is in the mind of the beholder.”
(Jim Fidelibus, “Being of Many Minds: The Postmodern Impact on Psychotherapy,” in
The Death of Truth, ed by Dennis McCallum, p 144)
“for Demas has forsaken me, having loved this present world.”
(2 Timothy 4:10a)
In her separation letter of June 19, 2009, my wife gives the impression that she believed that she was in imminent danger and had to leave secretly as she did. This is a delusion. My wife was not at any time in any danger except what she had created in her own mind. By her behavior, I could see that she was traumatized and unable to deal with her personal life. She was living out her past fears about her father in the present and applying them to me.
Here are some evidences: First, when my wife was about the same age as our oldest daughter, her mother took her and her brother to an undisclosed location to get away from her abusive father. This action by her mother was necessary in light of her father’s threats to kill them if they revealed his abuse. I believe that my wife is living this scenario out with our 2 daughters. She thinks that her secretive actions and undisclosed location is necessary to protect her and the girls; in fact, it was completely unnecessary and traumatic to all. I have never threatened my wife’s life, nor put her in any danger. I am not the monster that she portrays me to be and I can prove it (more details on her accusations of abuse in a following article).
Second, with all her posturing about being led of God to take this action, she displayed no concern for me or our son. Having stolen most of the money out of our account, I was unable to pay the basic bills. In addition to the shock of her secretive departure, we would have been basically homeless if my father had not loaned us some money to get by. How are these actions to be considered good and caring toward 2 of her own family members? How could a supposedly godly and competent counselor condone or support such a selfish and damaging plan for my wife?
Third, my wife has been completely oblivious to the traumatic effects upon our children. Our children were separated from their parents and from each other without knowing why! In addition, she has threatened myself and other Christians if they attempt to talk to my children about this matter. My wife is obsessively trying to control our children and keep away any biblical viewpoints from them that are contrary to her psychological expertise!
She has even verbally and legally threatened Christian leaders for simply talking to my children.
“Women are unhappier and less fulfilled than ever. The feminist paradigm simply does not match the reality of who God created women and men to be. Hence, it cannot deliver on its promise. Feminism has failed miserably, and ironically it has exacerbated the very problem it set out to solve. Instead of promoting a healthy self-identity for women…it has resulted in increased gender confusion, increased conflict, and a profound destruction of morality and family.”
(Mary Kassian, The Feminist Mistake, p 298-99)
“For it was so, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned his heart
after other gods and his heart was not loyal to the Lord his God…
So the Lord became angry with Solomon..”
(1 Kings 11:4, 9a)
The biggest struggle of my life has been the constant conflict that I have had between my commitment to God and my commitment to my wife. Throughout our marriage, these 2 commitments have constantly been at odds and have placed me in difficult situations time after time. I have wanted to make my wife happy, but I cannot do so at the cost of disobeying God and giving up my conscience and my duties as a Christian, a husband, and a father.
I am not talking about some sort of perfectionist view where I am inflexible to alterations and changes in life; I am talking about a fundamentally biblical and conservative worldview that is in antithesis to the postmodern, emotionally driven worldview that dominates our world today, and to which my wife is largely committed. My wife says that I am abusive and hiding my selfishness behind the Bible and ministry. To this I answer: Prove it. Prove it from the Bible and from the facts. I have worked to be consistently honest and biblical before my wife and others, while my wife (now ex-wife) has repeatedly avoided this biblical process throughout our marriage up to the present.
My wife is one of the most selfish and deceitful individuals that I have ever known, and by far the most ungrateful. Both before and during our marriage, I sought to follow the Bible and live a godly life before my wife and help her to grow as a Christian wife, a Christian mother, and a Christian woman. I sacrificially gave of myself, my time, energy, money, and plans to help my wife cope with life and find fulfillment and peace. Even my actions in publically exposing my wife’s sins are loving steps to bring accountability to her life and try to keep her from continuing on her path of destruction.
In response to my loving and sacrificial actions throughout our marriage, with enormous ingratitude, my wife has continued to live selfishly and has been habitually rebellious, domineering, and destructive of our relationship, our family, and my career in Christian ministry. As a biblically trained Christian minister and Christian husband for over 25 years, I can say, with great sadness in my heart, that my wife (now ex-wife) has shown by a lifetime of selfish and sinful actions that she is under the condemnation and judgment of God for this life, and I fear, possibly for the life to come.
“Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you…Not everyone who says to Me,
Lord, Lord, shall enter the kingdom of heaven,
but he who does the will of My Father in heaven.”
(2 Corinthians 13:5; Matthew 7:21: this essential testing process to determine Christian status and Christian fidelity is prescribed by the Bible, provided in the Bible, and proved by following the will of God the Father as given in the Bible. All people and belief systems that intentionally ignore or replace this process with another are in serious danger of eternal separation from God and eternal punishment.)